The Primarch’s Abilities. Guilliman’s still alive. So…

The Primarchs and Their Abilities

This Warhammer meme humorously showcases the unique abilities of the Primarchs, assigning them exaggerated or meme-worthy traits. Each Primarch is given a superpower that reflects their well-known strengths, such as Corvus Corax’s stealth, Magnus the Red’s foresight, and Sanguinius’ ability to fly. Even Vulkan is included, labeled as immortal, referencing his perpetual resurrection as a perpetual being. The meme cleverly highlights their legendary abilities, each one playing a vital role in the Warhammer 40K lore. However, the real joke comes at the end, where Roboute Guilliman is depicted as “Premium,” covered by the Excel logo. This is a reference to his administrative genius, jokingly portraying him as a glorified accountant instead of a warrior.

Guilliman: The Spreadsheet Master

While the other Primarchs are known for their supernatural abilities, Guilliman is often mocked for his strategic and bureaucratic mind. As the architect of the Codex Astartes, he is less about raw power and more about organization, planning, and efficiency. This meme plays on the long-running joke that Guilliman doesn’t fight as much as he writes reports, reorganizes the Imperium, and enforces rules. The Excel logo perfectly fits his role, humorously portraying him as the ultimate spreadsheet warrior. While the other Primarchs wield swords and psychic powers, Guilliman wields ledgers, logistics, and bureaucracy. It’s a fun contrast that pokes at his serious and methodical approach to ruling.

Guilliman’s Still Alive. So…

One of the underlying jokes here is that Guilliman is one of the few Primarchs still active in the 41st millennium. While most of his brothers are either dead, missing, or corrupted by Chaos, Guilliman has returned and is leading the Imperium. Despite all the jokes about him being a glorified accountant, he is actually one of the most powerful figures in the galaxy, holding the Imperium together against unimaginable threats. The meme’s humor lies in the idea that his true power isn’t combat but administration, which, in the grim darkness of the far future, is arguably even more important. Whether fans love or hate him, there’s no denying that he’s the only loyalist Primarch still in action. Maybe spreadsheets really are the key to survival in the 41st millennium.