The Chaplain’s Holy Commandment
In this gloriously absurd Warhammer meme, a grimdark Space Marine Chaplain delivers an important, albeit questionable, sermon to his fellow battle-brothers. Clad in his iconic skull helm, glowing red eyes radiating with divine fury, he declares with unwavering conviction: “Your hands are for holding the Imperium’s mighty weapons and killing the enemy…” A noble sentiment, no doubt. After all, a Space Marine’s duty is to purge the unclean, smite the heretic, and uphold the will of the Emperor. But then comes the inevitable follow-up, a warning as old as the Codex Astartes itself.
The Banishment of That Heresy
The meme then shifts to a close-up of the Chaplain’s skull-faced glare, and the decree is laid bare in no uncertain terms: “They are NOT for wanking!!!” With all the weight of the Ecclesiarchy behind him, this Chaplain is making it crystal clear that there shall be zero heretical hand movements in the Emperor’s presence. You can almost hear the battle hymns intensify in the background as purity seals tremble at the sheer audacity of the statement. But there’s one tiny, galaxy-sized problem with this order—the Eldar in the background. Specifically, a very alluring, very blue-skinned, anime-styled Eldar who seems tailor-made to test the Chaplain’s patience.
Lol! Good Luck with That…
Because let’s be honest—telling an Astartes, or literally any Warhammer 40K fan, to keep their thoughts pure when Eldar exist is like asking a Krieger to stop trench-digging. It’s simply not going to happen. The Eldar, with their ancient grace, psychic allure, and an entire subfaction literally dedicated to excessive pleasure, are basically walking, talking heresy traps. This meme practically writes itself as a tragic comedy—one where the Chaplain tries in vain to uphold discipline, but Slaanesh’s influence, Rule 34, and the grimdark realities of the 41st millennium say otherwise. The Emperor Protects, but in this case… probably not from that.