Space Marine got the Astartes Happy Meal, While the Guardsman gets Slop

The Great Imperial Food Divide

In the grim darkness of the far future, meal options are as brutal as the battlefield. This artwork perfectly captures the vast disparity in the Imperium’s dining experience. In the foreground, a poor, unfortunate Astra Militarum Guardsman is hunched over his daily ration—a can of corpse-starch, the infamous nutrient paste made from Emperor-knows-what (and best not to ask). His face is filled with existential dread as he forces the tasteless, rubbery morsels into his mouth, tears welling in his eyes as if his very soul is being crushed with each bite. Meanwhile, in the background, a massive Space Marine Dreadnought casually holds a glorious Astartes Happy Meal—complete with a burger, fries, and a drink, complete with a tiny flag, because even superhuman killing machines deserve a little flair.

The Guardsman’s Harsh Reality

The contrast could not be starker. While the Astartes Happy Meal looks like something straight out of a high-end Terran fast food joint, the Guardsman’s sad little can of corpse-starch is barely recognizable as food. Even the name itself suggests something ominous, as if its main ingredient might be recycled soldiers who didn’t make it through the last battle. His uniform is ragged, his armor chipped, and his very posture screams defeat. He doesn’t even have a proper spoon—just a grimy, bent utensil that looks like it has seen more action than most Imperial officers. The background, featuring shadowy figures, only enhances the sense of detachment. While some dream of promotions and glory, this Guardsman dreams of a meal that doesn’t taste like despair.

The Unfortunate Truth Behind the Astartes Happy Meal

What the Guardsman doesn’t know, however, is that the Astartes Happy Meal isn’t exactly as ‘happy’ as it looks. Sure, it comes in a neat little package, and the burger is engineered to provide maximum calories for a genetically enhanced demigod, but there’s a twist—it’s also laced with poison. That’s right, the Imperium doesn’t take any chances, even with its finest warriors. The possibly rotten patty has been spiked with a cocktail of toxins and chemical agents, designed to test and strengthen the Space Marine’s enhanced organs. While the Guardsman suffers from his nutritional misery, the Space Marine is unknowingly digesting a burger filled with contaminants just to ensure his immune system stays in top shape. In the end, both meals are equally cruel in their own way—one just has better presentation.